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19 Years, 5 Children and 1 Marriage Later

When I met my husband, almost 19 years ago, I was a single mother with two baby girls under the age of two years old. I was climbing out from inside a very dark place, determined to walk a path that was not familiar to the one I had walked previously in my life. Fast forward a few years, a marriage and three additional children later, we were living inside of a survival bubble. We were two young, Black parents living paycheck to paycheck simply trying to provide the best for ourselves and for our children. Living in survival mode can take a toll on a you, so imagine how much of a toll it can take on a young marriage with five young children. Throughout the marriage there were many things that kept us going, but one that I have always made sure to keep in rotation was listening to myself and listening to my husband. Not just hearing us but listen to us.

Throughout the time that we have been together, I have always surprised him with the little things that he probably didn’t think that I paid attention to. It filled me with joy to see his face when he would open that top drawer and see little things like a new T-shirt, or his favorite candy.

Let’s skip to present day. My husband is not a big drinker, but on December 17th we hosted naughty or nice bingo game where an amazing mobile bartender was a vender. She had this Hennessy punch mixture that he fell in love with, and he talked about it ever since. Every once in a while, he would mention that one of these days he wanted to get a bottle to sip on while chilling on a weekend night, watching a good 90’s movie. So, I did what I’ve always done, I listened. I listened to what he was saying, and I listened to what I was feeling, and I got us matching bottles to have a chill weekend. Outside of him telling me, I knew from the look on his face that what he saw in that top drawer made his entire week of tiring work worth it all.

This story is not about buying my husband things, it’s about paying attention to the small things that help keep our marriage bonded, healthy and strong. It is so easy to talk about the surface things, those things that get us through the day. When we take the time to see and feel a little deeper, capture those tiniest of details, that’s when we fill up the intimacy bank! What are the things that you do to add to your intimacy bank?

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