In my 35 years as a sex educator, sustained sexual arousal has been the generative experience I have most wished to facilitate in others. Erotic massage has been the most effective method I have found for helping people to learn erotic self-regulation as they access orgasmic states. In this newsletter, I will share with you some of the profound lessons I have learned using erotic massage to teach sex. And yes, erotic massage is sex.
Joseph Kramer, Ph.D.
The primary reason more people don’t explore sustained sexual arousal is that accessing those states requires practice. Many people don’t like to practice--not even sexual practice which can be quite pleasurable. Richard Strozzi-Heckler, author of The Art of Somatic Coaching, brilliantly describes the tragic paralysis of most people today who ignore the science of how we learn and change, which tells us "Practice what you want to learn."
"Even though the emerging technologies of neuroscience have produced unequivocal scientific evidence that we learn and change through recurrent practices, it still doesn't exist as our common understanding that transformation occurs because of new practices. Therefore, we're inclined to lean on hope and idealism that we, others, and societies will change simply because we've been introduced to a new idea. The consequences of relying on hope without practices lead to a downward spiral of frustration, resignation, and hopelessness."
The Erotic Roots of Sexological Bodywork
In 2020, I was invited to give the keynote address at The International Congress on Somatic Sexology. In my talk, I describe how Taoist Erotic Massage inspired me to create the new profession of Sexological Bodywork.
I describe how witnessing the diverse benefits of Taoist Erotic Massage in thousands of individual sessions motivated me to create a new legal profession that would offer this massage to the public: Sexological Bodywork. My speaking includes:
An alternative to orgasm / ejaculation.
Breathing to interrupt distractions.
Optimal states of arousal.
Spending time in different erotic states.
The benefits of non-romantic arousal.
If you missed my talk at the International Congress, it's worth your time if you work with erotic massage or sustained sexual arousal. Watch the keynote address here. Free access to this video available until October 22nd.
Erotic Massage Dancing
Taoist Erotic Massage is based upon the massage model, where the massage therapist offers an astonishing experience to the (mostly still) receiver. Over the years, I started inviting the receiver to actively participate in the experience by moving, breathing, making sounds and touching themselves. The receiver was learning to dance their arousal. In this new, client-centered massage, the receiver was fully active, even guiding the masseur’s touch.
This video lesson on Erotic Massage Dancing is from the Sexological Bodywork Certification Training.
Erotic Thai Yoga Massage
I remember receiving my first clothed Thai Yoga Massage and thinking, “This is so different from the massage I offer.” So much of the masseur’s body was engaging so much of my body. I was constantly being moved into new positions. Several times I thought, “What would erotic stimulation feel like in this position?”
After a lifetime of delightful Thai Yoga Massages, I have decided to add an Erotic Thai Yoga Massage section to EroticMassage.com. Although Traditional Thai Massage is done clothed, I recommend that lovers and intimates practicing these skills opt for skin on skin.
Starting in November, you can learn Thai Massage from Loren Johnson, who has both a Master’s Degree in Oriental Medicine and a Senior Instructor Certification from Grandmaster Mantak Chia. In more than four hours of video instruction, Loren will teach you the basics while brilliantly adjusting the massage to include more possibilities for genital contact. By doing this, he invites you to decide for yourself what erotic adventures can happen as you practice Thai Yoga Massage. Loren gives you a taste of the erotic possibilities in four short videos here. Watching with your partner is recommended. Free access to these videos available until October 22nd.
Rubbing the Clitoris of the Penis
Is the world ready for Sustained Sexual Arousal from erotic touch? Orgasmic Meditation, an erotic touch where the giver caresses the upper-right quadrant of the receiver’s clitoris for fifteen minutes. Apparently, the world was ready. This erotic touch of the clitoris orgasmed into a multi-million dollar global business. But what about the penis? More than 30 years ago, I developed the Rainbow Rub, a stroke focusing on the “clitoris of the penis,” which can take a man to orgasm whether he is erect or not. Check out this short video demonstrating ways to rub the clitoris of the penis.
Educating Your Hands and Heart
Erotic massage has been at the core of my sex education classes and sessions. Touch is such a powerful antidote to the pandemic of disembodiment raging in the world today. Should not every sex educator engage in continuing touch education? Somatic Sex Educator Caffyn Jesse calls Ecstatic Erotic Massage the most important tool in their practice. They write that when we receive an erotic massage, "We can learn to enhance our capacity for physical and emotional intimacy. We can teach our bodies to feel more and more pleasure...we can heal sexual wounds and feel profound bliss."
I recently engaged Caffyn’s self-paced class Erotic Massage for Empowerment, Intimacy and Ecstasy and was personally transformed. This is a course that every sex educator could benefit from and offer to their clients. For a limited time, Caffyn is offering this comprehensive massage training for free.
1. In the twentieth century, I knew more about meridians and chakras than vestibular bulbs, the vas deferens and the amazing potential of the smooth muscle tissue of the inner anal sphincter. I am now more savvy about anatomy and physiology. One of the best somatic sex education resources I have encountered is Cyndi Darnell’s video guide: The Atlas of Erotic Anatomy and Arousal. Cyndi created this resource for people who like sex and for those who want to like sex better. Many Sexological Bodywork schools use the Atlas as a requirement in their certification trainings.
3. Isa Magdalena attended the first Body Electric class from Annie Sprinkle and myself where we taught Taoist Erotic Massage for women. Isa then traveled the world for years teaching this massage to both women and men. In these two videos, she offers surprising teachings about this erotic massage: The Core of Taoist Erotic Massage (5:29 minutes) and Breath (2:18 minutes). Free access to these videos available until October 22nd.
4. Assuming the EcoSexual Position: The Earth as Lover by Annie Sprinkle & Beth Stephens. A love story about two queer artists/activists who have married each other and the earth in sixteen weddings throughout the world. Annie and Beth suggest massaging the earth by walking barefoot or lying naked on the earth when possible. Both Annie and Beth have assisted me in teaching erotic massage in Sexological Bodywork trainings. Annie co-created the most popular female massage video of all time, Fire in the Valley.
5. I wrote my doctoral dissertation in Human Sexuality about the first ten years of developing, teaching and practicing Taoist Erotic Massage. I have heard that most dissertations are unreadable. Mine is short and somewhat readable. I recommend starting with Chapter 5.
6. You will find a wealth of free erotic massage videos and articles on my websites. Check out the resources and blog on EroticMassage.com and the Gateway Practices section of OrgasmicYoga.com.