Proverbs 21:9

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop 
than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. 

The quarrelsome wife may be rare. 

She's surely the anomaly. 

Maybe you've never even met her.

But Proverbs has quite a bit to say about her.

You're probably not her and you're probably not married to her. 

But just in case...


Dear quarrelsome wife,

  1. Proverbs 21:9 is true.
    It’s better.

    It’s less stress.

    It’s healthier to live in a desert or alone in a rented apartment than with you.

    You're capable of making life so bitter for him that it'd be better for him if he just left.


  2. These proverbs are also true.
    While not giving instruction about what to do, these proverbs are accurate descriptions of what life is like on the other side of you.

    a wife’s quarreling is a continual dripping of rain.

    Proverbs 19:13


    It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman.

    Proverbs 21:19


    It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

    Proverbs 25:24


    A continual dripping on a rainy day and a quarrelsome wife are alike;

    Proverbs 27:15

    The wisest of women builds her house, 
    but folly with her own hands tears it down.

    Proverbs 14:1


  3. You cannot be stopped.
    Many embittered wives that talk to us have a fantasy that their husband will eventually "step up and lead" in a way that will finally heal her bitterness. 

    That cannot happen. 

    It just doesn't work that way.

    No leader is able to lead those who will not follow. 

    Healthy marriages happen when both the husband and wife give each other a gift.

    Taking, demanding, and overruling never work.

    to restrain her is to restrain the wind 
    or to grasp oil in one’s right hand. 

    Proverbs 27:16


Dear husband of a quarrelsome wife,

It really would be much easier to live in your buddy’s spare room, or get an appointment by yourself than stay with your difficult wife.

Scripture is certainly sympathetic to that.

But your vow was not to stay happy, but to stay. 

You must not leave.

Here's what to do instead.

1. Do not return evil for evil
but instead bless for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing.

As a Christian you are prepared for going the extra mile for someone acting like your enemy or generously feeding those who oppose you

2. You cannot change her.
It's easy to lay every marriage problem at the feet of husbands and their lack of leadership, but there is such a thing as a foolish woman.

She may be the simpleton, sluggard, or the scoffer, but in any case she will not be changed by you. 

3. God can change her heart.

The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; 
he turns it wherever he will. 

Proverbs 21:1

Your wife's hardened heart is water in God's hands.

He is not afraid of wicked kings or raging wives.

God loves your wife and can at any moment melt her hardened heart.

4. Wise wives are a gift from God.
It may be tempting to think of yourself as a failure for marrying a bitter woman.

Maybe honesty demands that you have to admit that your sin helped to create her hard heart.

Regardless of your role, you can know that God gives good gifts to his children.

He can, at any moment, give your marriage the gift of a wise and tender wife.

To some he gives that gift at the wedding, others wait until later in marriage.

But no man married to an emotionally healthy wife is able to say, "I did this." 

House and wealth are inherited from fathers, 
but a prudent wife is from the Lord.

Proverbs 19:14

Be kind and keep talking, 
Brooke and Brian

P.S. - We would do anything in our power to help you or anyone you know in a bitter marriage. Just email us.

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