When wickedness comes, contempt comes also, 

and with dishonor comes disgrace. 

Proverbs 18:3

Here’s an upside-down thought to help your marriage, today:

Stop thinking of your marriage struggles in terms of who is right and who is wrong. 

This is nuanced and certainly could be discussed further in a longer format, but we will try to fit it into this short email. 


Instead of 2 categories for behavior in your marriage (right and wrong) consider these 4 categories:

  1. Things that are wicked/sinful

  2. Things that are good/right

  3. Things that I like

  4. Things that I don’t like

We have found this incredibly helpful. 


Proverbs 18:3 tells us that wickedness brings contempt, disgrace, and dishonor. 

Married people sin disgraceful, dishonoring sins all the time. 


When there is sin in your marriage it’s important that you deal with it immediately. 


The only way to deal with sin is by the good news of Jesus. 


If it’s a sin, it is paid for by the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. 


Here's the kicker: In a healthy marriage sins are addressed as wickedness, not merely personal offenses.


And personal offenses are addressed as things I don’t like, not sins.


Jesus didn’t die on the cross for the fact that you don’t like the way your spouse does something. 


There is no blood atonement for your spouse’s covid weight gain, not doing their fair share around the house, or whatever annoying thing your spouse has done or will do today. 


Here’s how to apply this principle: 


There’s far more wickedness in the way you handle things you don’t like, than in those things themselves. 


It’s not a sin to be annoying, but we often sin when people annoy us. 

It's going to be a shock to the system when you say, "I know what you are doing isn't sinful or wicked. It offends me or annoys me, but I'm not a god. Offending me isn't sinful. I just don't like it."

It will feel like laying down your very best weapon, right and wrong. 

But honesty demands it.

And that demand will leave you vulnerable and talking. 

And vulnerable talking is a good way to build a marriage you're proud of.

Be kind and keep talking,
Brooke and Brian

P.S. - We spend a good bit of time discussing how you were going to take this email. We know there is far more to say about this topic, and that the 4 categories will likely be SO FOREIGN to many of you. 

We would love to discuss it more. We love this topic and we love your marriage. You won't annoy us by emailing your comments or questions. And we answer every email, every one. 

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