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part a.



Are you a sentimental person, he asks, giving me a quick glance before his eyes are back on the road. And there is a slight curve upturning the corner of my mouth. 


Because, here it comes.


Not in the sense that I keep items as tokens, I reply. But where some people take lots of photographs to remember, I write to remember. 


So now he knows. 


And I let that settle in. Let the cogs turn and the worry thicken fast.


Because to love a writer might be a dangerous thing.


But also the most infinite, I want to scream in silent reassurance, his one hand on the steering wheel and the other on his lap.


You don’t ask me to elaborate, though I can feel the apprehension on the edge of your tongue. 



part b.



When you ask me if I have written about you — which, you inevitably will, I will say no and then smile in the shade of my greatest lie yet. 


I will say there has not been anything published, no — which is the inadvertent truth. 


A year and not one trace of you — at least my perspective of you — lingers across the mind of anyone else.


And I will vow to keep my laptop closed and my notebooks out of reach. For they burst with your name: the hope and the yearning and the loss and the acceptance. 


And then us doing it all again. Like you’re provoking me to spill.


But not this time — this story is only mine. 


And I’m trying, have always been trying, to write you into making you mine too.



As always, I love to hear from you. If you liked today’s newsletter, want to carry on the conversation or have any thoughts or feedback at all, do hit reply. Thanks for reading x

🍄Songs, Songs, Songs🍄
(click to listen/follow on Spotify)

Coming Back (feat. SZA) — James Blake

Not Around — Montgomery

Atalanta — Rina Mushonga

Phoenix — Charlotte Cardin

Your Heart — Joyner Lucas, J. Cole

Sink In — Tirzah

Window Up — Leo Bhanji

Sunday Sketch — afternoon bike ride

That Funny Feeling — Phoebe Bridgers

The Only Exception — Hovvdy


Esme Rose Marsh is a writer, artist and the founder of Hook Magazine. She publishes a bi-monthly newsletter called I’ve Been Meaning to Say… which contemplates what it takes to live a meaningful life and her collage prints can be purchased in exclusive drops throughout the year. Esme is a recent cat-convert, a current adoptive ginger and a frequent user of the em dash. She has contributed a variety of creative works to the likes of The Coven, Restless and CONKER and is available for freelance commissions…

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Esme Rose Marsh · Hook Magazine · Nottingham, Nottinghamshire DN220BU · United Kingdom

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