Looking Back

I started this newsletter six months ago. With my word of the year, I like to take a moment half way through the year to take stock of where I’ve been. That feels like a good thing to do here as well, so let’s take a look back over the past six months…

Each month I choose a theme based on the topics I find to be important as I navigate learning to live a good, full life in the midst of infertility. So far we’ve talked about:

Trusting Your Body
Trusting Your Feelings
Paying Attention to Expectations
Creating New Traditions
Gratitude
Trusting Winter

That’s quite a lot of ground we’ve covered together over the last six months! I suspect all that talk of trust last fall was part of my inclination to choose it as my word for 2020. Which topic resonated with you? (Hit reply and let me know!)

One thing I’ve learned on this 3+ year infertility journey is that it is winding and often circles back on itself. Just when I think I’ve gotten one thing figured out, I realize I still have a lot more to learn. 

I practice trusting my body by walking the dogs and training for races, but when I find myself completely worn out, I am reminded that rest is an important part of trusting my body too. Sometimes I push my body too hard, trying to prove that I am capable despite an infertility diagnosis. I practice trusting my feelings by journaling and talking with friends, but when I start sobbing during a TV show, I realize that the feelings run deep and I can’t always control when and where feelings will appear. 

I pay attention to my expectations, doing my best not to be attached to the outcome, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be hurt by whatever the outcome may be. I’m human and it’s normal to be disappointed. I believe creating new traditions is important as a family without children, but there are still times I feel left out of the typical events that families with children host. 

I practice gratitude every single day, but I still grumble and complain about my life circumstances occasionally. I trust that winter has a lot to teach me, but I really struggle on those dark nights and dreary days. 

Each one of these topics provides enough practice to last me a lifetime! As someone who likes to check off a to-do list, I am reminding myself that these practices will always be a part of my life—whether I like it or not!

I like the word practice — it reminds me that I’m not an expert, that there is always more to learn. What are you practicing these days as you learn to live a good, full life in the midst of infertility?

I mean, I knew trust would be an important word for me this year, but I really had no idea how important. 

It’s easy for me to think a week, a month, even six months in advance. When I was a full-time youth minister, I seamlessly went back and forth between planning activities for the coming Sunday evening and setting dates for the retreat six months down the road. I do the same thing in my current work — keeping track of what needs to be done today while also thinking about what needs to be prepared for an event later this summer. It’s in my nature to have one foot in the moment and the other one in the future. 

This ability to move back and forth between now and then makes me really good at the jobs I’ve had. However, this skill doesn’t always translate well into my own daily living. 

I want to plan out my life the same way I plan at work. I want a large twelve month calendar on the wall at home to map out my life... I want to know when and what I’ll feel at any given time. I want to know when the triggers will hit. I want to know when I’ll get over this whole infertility thing...

You and I both know this is absurd. Life doesn’t work that way. So, I’m adding a new practice to my already long list… trust the present. When I find myself wandering into the future, when my feet start floating out of the present… I will stop and pause. I will remind myself of where I am and what I’m doing. I will bring myself back into this moment because that’s the only moment I have. 

Trusting the present is just one way we can start #LivingAGoodFullLife. Do you struggle with being present to your life? Throughout the month, I’ll share how I practice staying present on Instagram (ironic? perhaps!). Feel free to join me there using the hashtag #LivingAGoodFullLife.

Let's Connect

You are not alone. It's my hope that together we can create a community to support you as you learn what is needed for you to live a good, full life. What works for one person may not work for you and that's okay! Part of this journey is learning and discovering our own path.

If you want extra support, email me and let me know how you will trust the present this month. For those on Instagram, I encourage you to share what you discover by tagging me @livinginthemidst and using the hashtag #LivingAGoodFullLife. Let's connect and support one another!